Living with your parents is the norm when you’re a child. You get food, a room and unlimited amounts of love all for nothing. In fact, all you have to do is live by their rules. However, being an adult living with your parents can present a few obstacles. To help you learn how to diffuse tension when living with your folks this guide is absolutely essential. No more arguments about curfews for you . . .
Why tension arises
If you’ve been to university, moving back home afterwards probably isn’t the future you saw for yourself when you first set off to get a degree. Likewise, if you’ve lived away but are now between homes or saving for your own place, you probably didn’t envisage returning to the family home for more than Sunday dinner when you first moved out. Moving back in with your parents after flying the nest can not only leave you a little disappointed with your current situation, but trying to readjust and work out how you’re supposed to act in your parents home can be a struggle too. Even though you’re most definitely an adult, in your parents eyes you’re still very much their child. Being stuck in this kind of limbo can cause tension to arise and it’s this that needs to be avoided for you all to live harmoniously.
If living away has made you realise your parents have different views from yours, seem overly strict, or follow different diets than you, then going back to living with them can seem like your worst nightmare. You may well even be wondering how you ever survived when you lived there through your childhood!
Talk first to avoid tension
To help ensure you don’t lock horns early on then make sure you get all the talking done first. It may seem strange to have a meeting with your parents to agree terms when you first move back in, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s quite possible that things have changed in the family home while you’ve been away, just as the way you live has changed. Hopefully your parents will tell you their rules and thoughts about rent, bills, chores and having people over. If they don’t, it’s always wise to ask – after all, you’ll be living under their roof and knowing their rules from the off means you’re less likely to incur their wrath by breaking one accidentally.
You can also establish some ground rules of your own during this talk to ensure your return home doesn’t mean returning to your teenage years, too. Personally, my Mum found it quite exciting to have me back home, and took to bursting in unannounced. The fact that most of the time she was doing so to bring me some freshly ironed clothes made my complaints about privacy sound childish and ungrateful. It also led to a big argument further down the line when I was overtired and didn’t have the patience to discuss it calmly. Clear things up like this early on and hopefully you won’t have to suffer the same nuclear fallout.
Related: We Asked 7 Lifestyle Experts How To Make A Happier Home
Let them know your plans
I found it strange to have my own parents get annoyed when I would stay out late with no warning, with my Mum too worried to sleep until I was home. After all, I had lived on the other side of the country for three years, and she had no idea what I was getting up to most of the time. It took me a while to realise that the situation is different when you’re under your parents’ roof and they feel like they once again have to protect you from the evils of the world.
To make sure your parents don’t have any sleepless nights worrying about you, keep them aware of your plans. It takes so little effort to drop them a text to remind them you won’t be in or tell them you’ve gone out, and means they know whether they ought to cook for you and also whether they should expect to hear you moving around in the house at night or not! In addition to this, informing them when you’ll be home late or away for the night means they can plan some alone time for themselves.
Respect earns respect
You should always treat your parents home with respect, and even if you don’t agree with their rules, it doesn’t mean you should ignore them. Just because your teenage years were spent playing music obnoxiously loud, collecting an inordinate amount of dirty dishes in your room and sleeping in until midday doesn’t mean you can expect to get away with that now. Be polite, clean up after yourself, do a fair amount of chores and be considerate when it comes to noise. Basically, act like the adult you are and your parents will come to see you in this light as a result.
Remember that they’re still your parents
When you live away from home, you make a special effort to see your parents and spend quality time together as a family. Just because you live together doesn’t mean you should act any differently. Make an effort to hang out with them every now and again, even if it’s just a cup of tea with your Dad in the morning. Showing them that you care about spending time with them will make them aware that you appreciate them not only because they’re putting you up but because you love them, too.
Has there been any tension between you and your parents since you moved back home? Let us know how you’re coping!
